Stages of Cancer and Emotional Work

Let me walk through some stages of a breast cancer journey, and how the ideas from Hello Anxiety, My Old Friend might apply.

1. Diagnosis & Shock

When news comes — a biopsy result, a staging scan — fear often crashes in like a tidal wave. It can feel like the rug is pulled out from under your feet. In that moment, one of the first tasks is bearing presence: letting yourself feel, acknowledging grief, frustration, terror. Rather than suppressing, naming the fear is the first act of agency.

Kohlhaas’s approach suggests we don’t avoid it, but we also refrain from amplifying it with catastrophic projections. We can ask: What is real danger? What is imagined fear? Anxiety will point to them, so we must be the translator.

2. Decision Points & Treatment

Deciding on surgery, chemo, radiation, reconstruction — all of that is fraught. Fear will push us toward extremes: “Do everything all at once,” or “Choose the fastest route, always.” But we can use anxiety’s alerts to ask questions: What trade-offs am I okay with? What risks align with my body, values, and life? What burdens can I carry?

By listening (but not obeying blindly), we anchor choices in a more grounded vision, not fear.

3. During Treatment & Side Effects

Side effects often trigger spirals of fear — “What if it gets worse?” “What if I can’t handle this?” In those moments, the pause is essential. Acknowledge the discomfort; let anxiety sit next to you. Then, ask: What is the next small step I can take? Where can I rest? Who can I call?*

The “superpower” isn’t the absence of fear — it’s the capacity not to let fear stop you from walking into the light of your values and purpose.

4. Survivorship & Recurrence Fear

Even after “successful” treatment, the threat of recurrence lingers. Anxiety may never fully dissolve. But it can evolve: from a clenched enemy to a cautious sentinel.

Kohlhaas’s work invites survivors to continue the dialogue: let anxiety remind you of vigilance (follow-ups, self-checks), but don't let fear dictate your everyday life.

Before closing, a word of compassion: for those walking this road (or walking with someone who is), the emotional load can feel overwhelming. There is no right way to feel. Grief, anger, exhaustion, doubt — all are valid. The value of frameworks like Kohlhaas’s is not to deny pain, but to help us show up to it with more companionship, curiosity, and intention.

If you or someone you know is in medical care, also lean on professional support — oncologists, Serenity Tree mental health professionals, peer support, and spiritual care. Use tools like Hello Anxiety, My Old Friend as a companion, not a replacement.